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| | | (1) Posted by Hauke Reddmann [Monday, Oct 10, 2011 10:56] | [wacky humor] Münchhausen in Japan
I have 2 good reasons to repost (Rebnora ancients might
remember) this howler:
- Yesterday, I won the Hamburg championchip! Yippie-ki-aye!
- One of my opponents was Thomas Kuckelkorn. Very probably
a distant relative (Siegfried, research that :-) of the
SCHWALBE founder! So much for the problemist aspect :-)
And now:
[Event "Hamburg ch 83"]
[Site "Hamburg"]
[Date "1983.06.02"]
[Round "5"]
[White "Schulz, H.-J."]
[Black "Reddmann, Hauke"]
[Result "0-1"]
{USOTSUKIDOJI - LEGEND OF THE OVERPROMOTION
"Ah, my good friend Daimyo Munihausen!
How was your travel to Edo?"
Munihausen, Munchhausen, Münchhausen, Baron
de Craq, first name Hieronymus, as you like it,
pleased to meet you, that's me, myself and I.
My good friend, the Shogun Tokagawa, has a
little problem with that "barbaric bunch
of consonants". Well, barbar or not, it can't
be denied that Japanese sounds much more melodic
than my good old German. I must know, since I
learnt it in one week to help out my good friend
(yeah, I have some good enemies too, but they tend
to be dead) Captain Vanderheijden when the Dutch
trade embassy opened a few years ago.
"Not so good. First we hung in a calm and didn't
move a li. Luckily, I remembered that the Captain
brought some greetings for you from the politicians
of the Netherland Parlement. I opened them and
they were so full of hot air that our sails had
enough wind to blow us straight to Nippon.
Here, if you still want to read them..." I handed
him over a paper roll. The Shogun burst with
laughter.
"Then, when we harboured in Nagasaki, a sea monster
surfaced. Bit off our mast with one chop. We fired a
load of tomatoes at him from our cannon. He didn't like
the taste of it and vanished again."
"Sounds like Gojira-chan. He's always in a playful mood."
"And finally the overeager local police had to make
a fuss and detained us for a day though we had
a personal invitation..."
The Shogun frowned. "Danshaku-kakka, you are a
personal friend, but *our* politics is to keep
the country firmly closed for gaijin.
Perpertual vigilance is the foundation of peace. But
since I can see a certain amount of insult done, I
suggest we replace our yearly game of shogi
by one of chess. Which I learnt in a week, by the way."
I will never understand the Japanese logic of
honor and got a hunch that ole Ieshige just wanted
to show off with his new skills.
"Well, they are rather similar indeed, but you see me
impressed. Feel free to take the white pieces."}
1.e4 c5 2.b4 cxb4
{"Banzai!" cried the b-Samurai before he was beheaded.
I don't know why absolute sovereigns have this penchant
for playing with live - or soon dead, respectively - pieces.
My no longer good friend, the Sultan of Konstaninopel,
had the same fave. I didn't give it much thoughts, as it
was the highest ideal for a Samurai to die fighting for
his ruler. I overlooked a little detail - we were playing
Chess today, not Shogi.}
3.Bb2 Nf6 4.Qf3 Qc7 5.Bd3 d6 6.Qg3 Nc6
7.Nf3 e5 8.O-O Be7 9.Ne1 O-O 10.a3 Be6 11.axb4 Nxb4
12.Nc3 Nh5 13.Qf3 Nf4 14.Ne2 Nbxd3 15.cxd3 Nxe2+ 16.Qxe2
Bf6 17.Bc3 a5 18.f4 b5 {Well, if he wanted a pawn race, he
would get it. No need to worry, I could use this roller to
deflect a few of his attackers which were lousy placed, anyway.}
19.g4 h6 20.Ng2 b4 21.Bb2 a4 22.g5 hxg5 23.fxe5 dxe5 24.Rxf6 gxf6
{A bit careless by me, capturing e5 with the bishop would
have blocked any swindles once and for all.
Ole Ieshige is a very inventive and dangerous attacker.}
25.Qf2 Qe7 26.Bc1 a3 27.Ne3 Rfc8 28.Kg2 Rxc1 29.Rxc1 b3 30.h4 b2
31.Rh1 g4 32.Qg3 Kf8 33.h5 a2 {This two monsters should be enough
to wipe his first rank clean before anything can happen to my
king. Or so I thought. After all, this stunt had worked with
General Silver and General Gold before, which weren't half as
powerful as a chess queen. I still hadn't realized the flaw in
my strategy.} 34.h6 b1=Q {"Ryoko!" the Shogun called, and a
voluptious Geisha replaced the pawn.} 35.h7 Kg7 36.Rh4 a1=Q
{"Ayeka!" And suddenly it flashed to me. I couldn't sacrifice
any of my queens to stop the attack, this meaning instant death
to them! Not even mentioning the fact that those Geishas seemed
to be rivals. They only had eyes for each other and were short
before a catfight.} 37.h8=Q+ {"Lina!" Oh no! Now I *had* to kill
that Geisha with my rook! That went against all my gallant
ideals! And since it was my only move anyway, the rook already
moved over, raised his sword and..." "Don't you dare, you filthy...
I warn you...DRAGON SLAVE!" That were the last word of the Geisha
I remember, because the next thing happening was a giant explosion.}
37...Rxh8 38.Rxg4+ Kf8
{I only awoke on the ship back to Holland. Captain Vanderheijden
said he and his men pulled me out of the crater that once was Edo
and sailed away in the shroud of the debris. Well, I've heard that
they built Edo up again newer and shinier, but I think I better
won't be seen in Japan so soon again.} 0-1
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