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| | (1) Posted by Sarah Hornecker [Tuesday, Apr 25, 2023 21:56] | Name change Dear friends,
since my adolescence I know that I am different. When I was 18 or 19 years old, in 2004 or 2005, I had long discussions with a person I believed would know me very well - a woman you might or might not classify as a kind of girlfriend -, and at one point I asked her if she believed I was more male or more female. She said I was definitely more male, and with that I believed her.
I struggled for all my life, since I got into puberty with feeling ugly, not being able to look at me in a mirror as I looked so grotesque to myself. I could never figure out why, I blamed my weight for it. I blamed the way I felt on that, the way I always hated my body, the way I felt like I never can be happy.
I attempted suicide five times throughout my life - not counting the less serious attempts - the first time when I was 19 and the last time a few days prior to my 30th birthday. Due to a long illness, which I recover from now, for many years my life was just functioning, just surviving, burying everything away that I felt about myself. But as I am healing recently, I attempted a relationship with a woman this year which broke again after six weeks. In that time all the emotions I had buried for many years came up again, all the things I knew about myself and just didn't understand. With the knowledge I have today, I can easier make sense of how I always felt like.
There is one regret in my life, and that is listening to other people, or even just to my logical functions, instead of my intuition, instead of my inner knowledge. I should have done this at 18 or 19 years old, when I was mostly sure about it and yet so completely unable to access any knowledge about it that I got persuaded otherwise by someone I trusted. By now I have to do another important step in my life.
I was out today and by now it causes me great discomfort, an inner pain, to be called a man, despite me wearing make-up, nail polish, lipstick, etc.
I would please ask you to respect my decision, despite nazi-esque laws in my country not allowing me to legally change my name easily (they wanted to have new laws by the beginning of this year, but in Germany basic human rights never happen - some levels of our censorship equal that of China, especially with pornographic video games, and some of our laws resemble more Nuremberg race laws than anything a democracy would have, especially transgender laws, which is not surprising since most nazis went back into German politics after 1945 and those laws are still from 1981 when that scum and a generation taught by them was still around - see https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liste_ehemaliger_NSDAP-Mitglieder,_die_nach_Mai_1945_politisch_t%C3%A4tig_waren for a likely incomplete list).
Please when possible from now on call me Sarah instead of my still official name that is associated with the wrong gender.
Thanks!
Sarah
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/803393226726965288/1100418152317325362/20230425_153010.jpg
EDIT, 28 April 2023:
To clarify:
If you quote old compositions of me, for historical purposes, you should use the old name. As a hobby historian (that I am also) it would be difficult for future generations to find things otherwise. Okay, this might not be to the extent of where last names are changed (good luck looking through sources when you look for the wrong last name), but could still be confusing.
But for anything I will publish under my new name, please only use that name when quoting it. | | (2) Posted by seetharaman kalyan [Wednesday, Apr 26, 2023 04:09] | Ok Sarah. | | (3) Posted by Andrew Buchanan [Wednesday, Apr 26, 2023 06:22] | Thanks for this, Sarah - good luck with your continuing journey through life | | (4) Posted by edderiofer [Thursday, Apr 27, 2023 16:54] | Congrats on coming out, Sarah. It sucks that your government is somehow more regressive than mine when it comes to the naming rights of trans people. (But it's still better in many other respects, and at least neither of us are in Mainland China, which is a truly horrifying place for trans people.)
Regarding your regret over not realising earlier, rest assured that you're at least not alone in that regret; I myself wish that I'd come to the realisation that I was trans when I was in my late teens, rather than at the age of 20, and I likewise wish I'd known just how much happier being on hormones and getting a body that I actually like would have made me, too (I might have fought harder to get them instead of twiddling my thumbs for five years). This regret is very commonplace among people who realised they were trans when they were older. Alas, as you say, it's a shame that there was considerably less information about being trans even ten years ago; thankfully the increased information online now should make this regret less common among the younger generations as they grow up.
Here's hoping your transition (including the time it takes to get any medical diagnoses) is as swift as possible. | | (5) Posted by Alain Villeneuve [Thursday, Apr 27, 2023 22:04] | It is also possible to respect the will of God and keep things as they are. | | (6) Posted by Sarah Hornecker [Thursday, Apr 27, 2023 22:50] | It is also possible that the will of God is to do this. | | (7) Posted by Alain Villeneuve [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 00:05] | Probably not the Christian God who "created man and woman". Nor those, non-believers, who are attached to natural law. I don't have a phone for the others. | | (8) Posted by seetharaman kalyan [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 01:53] | @Alain
Oh... I thought God created everything on this universe.. Seems I am mistaken | | (9) Posted by Andrew Buchanan [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 02:41] | This is the only remark I will make on this subject. Problem with the will of God, Alain, is discerning what it is. People are very good at cherry-picking from Leviticus and then patting themselves on the back for being holy when all they are really doing is rationalising their pleasure in being nasty to other hapless creatures of God. Much of this Universe baffles me, and humanity is the most baffling part, but I do think that Jesus’ kindness to the downtrodden, the sick and the poor, and his anger towards Pharisees, money-changers and the rich gives me a clue as to what the will of that God might be, if I was a Christian. But as a very fallible human being, I cannot afford anger even against the mean-spirited. I must love you Alain - what choice do I have? God bless you | | (10) Posted by Sarah Hornecker [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 05:38] | Don't worry, Alain. The Christian God holds a special place in hell for those who don't love their neighbor as thyselves. Also for those who work on Sabbath, as that is directly in contradiction to the commandment of loving God with all your heart and soul. There is, in fact, no greater sin than not treating the Sabbath as a holy day, as this directly insults God.
I hope for you that you never ever worked on a Sabbath. Otherwise we'll see each other in the Christian hell. | | (11) Posted by Alain Villeneuve [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 09:12] | it is possible to have charity and compassion for those who experience this kind of thing without joining the rainbow revolution. | | (12) Posted by Hauke Reddmann [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 09:15] | Well, concerning Hell, I am a devout Acceptist:
Heaven is there where Hell is [guitar squealing in agony]
and Hell! Is down! ON EARTH!! [satanic laughter]
And politely suggest to drop the matter now lest this thread becomes Purgatory. | | (13) Posted by Rosie Fay [Friday, Apr 28, 2023 09:34] | Thank you very much for telling us this, Sarah, and for explaining your feelings about your decision, and about your past experiences which led up to it.
There is only one person who may say what your gender is, and that is you. I hope you have made the decision that is the right one for you. I wish you the best of luck in your transition and in your future life as Sarah. | | (14) Posted by Jacques Rotenberg [Monday, May 1, 2023 09:50] | I am a bird, call me as you wish.
when I go for a flight will you encourage me ?
"...good luck!" "...only you know who you are !" ? | | No more posts |
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